Dear Sir / Madam,

Thank you for applying for the role of Blog Reader. Sadly, on this occasion, your application has not been successful. It has, in fact, failed. Miserably failed. All that time you spend typing in the address and making sure you were suitable for applying to read the articles on this website has been completely and utterly wasted.

The standard of applicants for this position was very high – we saw some freshly cut hair, well-fitting suits, and some people had even polished their shoes. Although we admired your appearance, we did not think that it was suitable for a role such as this.

We do hope you will see your experience here, and your inevitable bitter failure, as a positive experience – and we wish you luck finding a more rewarding blog to read.

Please note: As you did chose to read this article, we now know various personal details about you. The winning candidate will be regularly contacting you to point out, during this incident, that they were better than you.

Yours faithfully,

The Management.