Dear fellow bus passenger,

I am writing to you in admiration. Many of us lead our daily lives without a care for others, without an idea of how our actions may affect people, and without any feeling towards complete strangers. You, however, are different. You are a model for human behaviour. For this, I must congratulate you.

It is clear that you have been suffering recently. To have contracted such a horrendous, hacking cough – and for it to be so persistant – must be very debilitating. When you sit next to me, I can not help but feel a little pity. And yet, my heart is also filled with admiration. Even during your time of agony, you still maintain a philosophy of utilitarianism – ensuring that the greatest good is given to the greatest number. I understand that a cough can take even the most prepared by surprise – leaving an impossible amount of time to reach for a tissue, sleeve, or even a fist. Therefore, you are to be honoured for you decision to turn towards me and cough uninterrupted so that the other travellers may not be inflicted by your germs. I know for a fact that I have not been smitten by some unique, one-off, event, for you have performed that action on various occasions with, if the feeling on my skin is to be noted, varying levels of effectiveness.

It is not just the way you deal with your health that I appreciate – your level of communication is also to be applauded. It is very true that the background noise on a bus can be very distracting when you are trying to talk to somebody. Particularly so when that somebody is on the phone. You have clearly observed that the decibels of a bus can not be turned down – therefore, I laud your decision to raise the volume of your voice to a level that even the most easily distracted would find difficult to ignore. I am certain that there isn’t anyone you have called who hasn’t left the conversation being fully aware of what mode of transport you are taking, what the weather is like, and what you are possibly considering to have for dinner.

Finally, I feel it is necessary to point out what good you are doing for the world. Consumers today are being forced into a market of artificial and chemically manufactured ingredients. This is most notable in the areas of fragrance and personal hygiene. Therefore, your decision to use only nature’s ingredients is a bold step, and yet one that I am certain everyone around you has noticed. Washing your clothes and yourself can put so many pollutants into the environment – so your move to eliminate those processes is one that can not be ignored.

I’m sure we will be spending a lot of quality time together over the next few months. I have no doubts that one day we will interact on a very personable level.

Yours faithfully,

Ben Gallagher

It’s amazing how busy you can be when there is absolutely nothing to do.

A – You didn’t support the action against Afghanistan to remove the Taliban. You were against it, right?
B – Why would I want to brutalise and further punish the people of Afghanistan…
A – …who killed your father!
B – The people of Afghanistan didn’t kill my father.
A – Sure they did! The Al-Qaida people train there!
B – The Al-Qaida people… what about the Afghani…
A – They trained… You see, I’m more angry about it than you are!
B – But what about George Bush?
A – What about George Bush? He had nothing to do with it. ‘Cos you… That’s it, I’m not going to say anymore.
B – OK.
A – In respect for your father…
B – On September 14th, do you want to know what I will be doing?
A – Shut up!
B – Please don’t tell me to shut up.
A – Shut u… In respect for your father, who was a Port Authority worker, a fine American, who was killed unnecessarily by barbarians.
B – By radical extremists who…
A – Yeah, fine!
B – …were trained by this government…
A – In respect for him…
B – …not the people of America, the people of the ruling classes – a small minority.
A – Cut his mic. I’m not going to dress you down any more.

Person B’s father had been killed in 9/11. However, Person B also opposed the war in Afghanistan. Person A did not like this. Person A is a television news presenter. This bothers me.

It would seem that all the money in the world is disappearing. I know I certainly don’t have it – but I think I know who does, as this BBC News screen shot shows:

Since moving back to England, I have had to get used to the fact that I have suddenly become poor. It now costs me £40 to fill up my car, when before it cost me £20; accomodation in Cambridge will cost me twice what I was paying for my mortgage in America; and people don’t smile at me when I enter a shop (not really an economic effect, but still something I have to get used to).

I could wax lyrical on the economy, but this isn’t really a political blog – I’ll leave that to the experts. Instead, recently, many of the visitors to my site have come to see a cartoon sheep I draw. So, not to disappoint you, here is a cartoon I drew in response to this story: