1. The only bus stop the bus driver will know with any certainty is the one called “City Centre”. Whether the driver will know the locations “Top of the Hill”, “The Supermarket”, and “Just Past Thompson Road” is indirectly proportional to their level of social skills.
2. The number of seats available on the bus when you get on is indirectly proportional to the number of old ladies who will get on at a bus stop after yours, forcing you to stand up.
3. It doesn’t matter how fit or agile you may be, it is impossible to maintain your balance if you are stood up when the bus starts or stops.
4. Pushchairs travel in pairs.
5. It is mandatory for a passenger on the bus to be listening to an album probably called “Sounds of the Apocalypse”.
6. It doesn’t matter how well-behaved a child passenger may be, they will eventually get on your nerves.
7. If you are forced to sit next to someone you don’t know, they will greet you with a look that is the combination of resignation and pure hatred.
8. The back seat is not for you.
9. It doesn’t matter how horrendous the driving may be, you will always thank the bus driver upon exiting.
10. At some point during your journey, you will suddenly notice how intricate the design on the seat cushions are.

And, although it isn’t a rule as such, I would like to point out that “Megarider” is a silly name for a bus ticket.

If I was to get my only news from these letters, this is the knowledge I would have:

• The District Council is pure evil. It is run by thieving, immoral, money-grabbers that do not think twice about any decision they make – especially in relation to planning permission or road conditions.
• The same is true for the Parish Council.
• The worst thing that could ever happen in a village is for a Barbers to be set-up.
• The second worst thing that could happen in a village is for the Barbers to leave.
• Lorry drivers are unable to correctly judge the size of their vehicle, are some of the worst drivers in the country, and routinely and deliberately hinder the lives of as many people as possible by parking their vehicle.
• Two wind turbines equals a Wind Farm.
• It is not necessary to know all the facts as long as you make up for it with adjectives.
• People do not shop at Tesco’s, but Tesco’s likes to ruin people’s livelihoods.
• The police can’t be trusted.
• If a shop builds a wind turbine, the village can legally change its name to that of the shop.
• People only like to get angry about things after they have happened.
• Life is never boring.

If you would like to know about all the exciting things I get up to, and all the incredible thoughts I have, then please follow me. I currently have very few followers, and that makes me feel a little as though I am talking to myself – so, no change there then.

Hopefully, I will be able to get a new Gerald up soon. Still working out how much being employed interferes with my normal daily routine.

In 2005 an economist, Steven Levitt, published a book called Freakonomics. It’s a book that attempts to explain the reasons behind everyday occurances: The socioeconomic patterns of naming children, the economics of drug dealing, and the apparent cheating that takes place in sumo wrestling tournaments. However, the most famous theory revolves around the apparent reduction in crime that took place in the USA in the 1980s and 90s.

Levitt posited the idea that crime reduced as a result of the Roe vs. Wade court decision to legalise abortion in 1973. Allegedly the people most likely to want an abortion are those who live in low socioeconomic areas – and thus those most likely to turn to crime. Therefore, as a result of the increase in abortions, there was a decrease in crime. Levitt’s theory is definitely very satisfying – it makes a sort of logical sense that pleases me. Sadly, there has been quite a lot of evidence now that suggests the idea is not quite so plausible. Nevertheless, it has allowed the debate to continue – and if there is something we all like, it’s something to argue about.

And if there is one thing we don’t like, it’s people unfairly bringing an end to a debate – and thus bring about a debate on a completely different topic.

Jeni Barnett, radio present for LBC, recently broadcast a segment on a show about why she didn’t give the MMR vaccine to her child, and invited other people who had done the same to ring in with their opinions.

This topic is, of course, a debate in itself. The fact that this phone-in happened quite recently, does somewhat seem to ignore the most recent research that suggests that there is nothing to worry about – not to mention the apparent rise in measles outbreaks that seem to be occurring as a result. So, it isn’t surprising that some people were surprised by the members of the public who were still against the vaccination. One of these was Ben Goldacre – author of Bad Science.

Ben Goldacre has a thing against those who ignore areas of science in order to emphasize their own point. Fair enough. As a result of this, he had a thing against Ms. Barnett’s broadcast, posted the relevant segment of her show on his blog, and wrote this:

It is my view that in this extended broadcast Jeni exemplifies every single canard ever uttered by the antivaccination movement.

I invite you to document the rest below (the bit about empirical experience is particularly enjoyable) and maybe we can get the full list of canards together for the definitive numbers set of Bad Science Bingo. In fact, if there is an anti-vaxxer canard in existence which is not in this broadcast, I want to know about it, signed copy of some book for the best one.

Ms. Barnett had this to say about Mr. Goldacre’s response (I don’t know why I have suddenly gone so formal):

I am interested in the debate not a witch hunt.

Should anybody from BAD SCIENCE read this I urge you to continue the debate, and if it gets too heated there is always the option of turning me off.

Brilliant! Another argument debate! However, something strange then happened. Mr. Goldacre received a note from Ms. Barnett’s lawyers demanding that he took down the offending clip from his blog.

It’s probably important to point out that, as the Wardman Wire points out, the clip was less than 25% of the total show length, and thus did not infringe on any copyright rules. So, the only possible theory could be that, although Jeni Barnett invited debate, she did not want the sort of debate that put her in a bad light. Instead, she probably wanted the sort of debate that happens as a result of missed information, deception, and ignorance.

Fair enough.

Here’s Gerald:

It’s been a while since Gerald was semi-autobiographical. So, here he is, being semi-autobiographical.

My wife and I opened the Big Book o’ Marriage Visas yesterday, and although I know there is very little to worry about, I couldn’t help but remember the stress the original visa attempt brought about.

However, after reading the relevant chapters, it seems pretty likely that I will be getting my cupcake.

Here is a photo I took about 4 years ago:

Notice any similarities?

How do I know which one was taken first? In the colour photo, underneath the north window (the one on the left) is a framed picture. That picture is the black and white one above.

I should point out that I am not annoyed by the copied photo – just surprised.

Personally, 2008 has been quite an emotional rollercoaster. On January 2nd 2008 I flew out to be with my, then, fiance. It was a little last minute – I booked the tickets on December 31st. On February 14th, we got notice that the fiance visa (required to marry an American in America if you are not American yourself – or something like that) had been approved. However, in April, we found out it would not be granted in time for our wedding (May 30th), and anyway, since we were planning on coming back to England for a couple of years afterwards, it was needless anyway. So, back in London, I went to the American Embassy to ask for an extension to my tourist visa, and was told I couldn’t. So, I spent a large part of April in a country I didn’t want to be in, trying to find a way of getting to my destination so that I may legally marry without anyone getting suspicious. Canada proved to be the solution, and on April 21st I crossed the land border (completely legally) into the US, and was able to get married on May 30th.

Since then, I have moved back to England, and now live in Cambridgeshire attempting to get permanent work with the University.

In August, the phony libel case against Dave Walker came up, and I, rather unexpectedly got caught up in it. When I say “I”, I really mean my semi-autobiographical cartoon sheep, Gerald. Once confined to family birthday cards, and the one-off present for someone, Gerald soon became known to people I had never met. A fan page was set up on Facebook, and spikes of visitor numbers appeared on my site every time I posted a new cartoon. To see a cartoon being posted on a site other than my own is quite a nice feeling, and gives me a certain amount of motivation to keep drawing them.

In other news, one of my YouTube videos continues to be surprisingly popular, and not a little controversial. A particularly bad rendition of the Super Mario Bros. Theme that I performed at the end of a family service in my local church receives many visitors every day. It was also featured on Norwegian national radio, and subsequently a Norwegian podcast. I receive at least 2 comments a day on the video – ranging from those that think it is a terrible thing to do in a church, to those who complain that I don’t play the theme precisely as the SNES did, to those that think it is quite funny (I prefer the latter comments).

So, what will 2009 bring? I hope it will bring a permanent job. I hope it will bring a certain amount of relaxation. I hope it will bring something new. And, of course, I hope it brings something for the sheep to do.

Happy New Year. Out with the old, and in with the new.

Paktocon.com is my longest running website. I have owned it for over 5 years now, and it’s never really found its feet. It used to be a photoblog, and then it was a cartoon blog, before becoming a portal into my life. However, now bengallagher.com is here, and I don’t know what to do with paktocon.

I don’t want to get rid of it – I just want it to have a purpose. I’ve thought about it being the base for Gerald, but there’s no logic between the name and the content (the name, incidentally, stands for Press Any Key To Continue). I think Gerald would need to have a larger following before he could live at an illogical location (not that there’s any logic in placing him at bengallagher.com).

Perhaps the purpose of paktocon.com is to have no purpose.

In other news, I am working on a post-christmas Gerald special that should keep fans happy well into the new year.

I am writing to you in admiration. Many of us lead our daily lives without a care for others, without an idea of how our actions may affect people, and without any feeling towards complete strangers. You, however, are different. You are a model for human behaviour. For this, I must congratulate you.

It is clear that you have been suffering recently. To have contracted such a horrendous, hacking cough – and for it to be so persistant – must be very debilitating. When you sit next to me, I can not help but feel a little pity. And yet, my heart is also filled with admiration. Even during your time of agony, you still maintain a philosophy of utilitarianism – ensuring that the greatest good is given to the greatest number. I understand that a cough can take even the most prepared by surprise – leaving an impossible amount of time to reach for a tissue, sleeve, or even a fist. Therefore, you are to be honoured for you decision to turn towards me and cough uninterrupted so that the other travellers may not be inflicted by your germs. I know for a fact that I have not been smitten by some unique, one-off, event, for you have performed that action on various occasions with, if the feeling on my skin is to be noted, varying levels of effectiveness.

It is not just the way you deal with your health that I appreciate – your level of communication is also to be applauded. It is very true that the background noise on a bus can be very distracting when you are trying to talk to somebody. Particularly so when that somebody is on the phone. You have clearly observed that the decibels of a bus can not be turned down – therefore, I laud your decision to raise the volume of your voice to a level that even the most easily distracted would find difficult to ignore. I am certain that there isn’t anyone you have called who hasn’t left the conversation being fully aware of what mode of transport you are taking, what the weather is like, and what you are possibly considering to have for dinner.

Finally, I feel it is necessary to point out what good you are doing for the world. Consumers today are being forced into a market of artificial and chemically manufactured ingredients. This is most notable in the areas of fragrance and personal hygiene. Therefore, your decision to use only nature’s ingredients is a bold step, and yet one that I am certain everyone around you has noticed. Washing your clothes and yourself can put so many pollutants into the environment – so your move to eliminate those processes is one that can not be ignored.

I’m sure we will be spending a lot of quality time together over the next few months. I have no doubts that one day we will interact on a very personable level.

Yours faithfully,

Ben Gallagher