Don’t worry it’s safe. I shall be giving regular amounts of food and warm milk, but it’s unlikely to come out in public for a while. It got a little scared for the safety of a few kids who didn’t realise how easy it was to trace where they were from based on the comments they were leaving – and also, most of the stuff that was being written was both filled with profanities and poorly spelt, which offended my comments section. At the time of writing, most of those comments are still visible, but I will be working to delete them all as soon as I can (annoyingly there are over 300 of them, and I can only delete them in groups of 20!).

If you would like to leave a comment, then feel free to get in touch using the contact form elsewhere on the site – I am not so easily offended as the comments section.

Now if you don’t mind, I have a rather distraught section of my website to comfort.

Ben

Wouldn’t it be cool if Gerald the Sheep appeared more than once a week? Well, this week that’s going to happen. A completely new and original GtS will be on this site tomorrow morning.

If I have the inspiration, I may use Saturday as another day for posting Geralds. Sadly, for this to happen, I have to have funny thoughts – for that to happen I need something funny to happen to me. So, basically, if I’m not able to think of two Geralds a week, it’s all your fault. So, get cracking.

As always, Geralds without the pictures are available on Twitter (@geraldthesheep).

The idea behind this theme is not necessarily to show-off my photographic skills. Instead, it will allow me to have an ever-changing background that will suit the season, current photographic acheivement (although, the current background was taken almost 5 years ago), or my mood.

I will, no doubt, make a number of changes over the next few days, but I felt that it was ready for your viewing. If you haven’t already, let me know what you think.

to all those who read / glance at / accidentally land on my site.

Don’t forget, the 12 Days of Gerald start tomorrow – a new, festive-themed, cartoon everyday until January 6th.

I am writing to you in admiration. Many of us lead our daily lives without a care for others, without an idea of how our actions may affect people, and without any feeling towards complete strangers. You, however, are different. You are a model for human behaviour. For this, I must congratulate you.

It is clear that you have been suffering recently. To have contracted such a horrendous, hacking cough – and for it to be so persistant – must be very debilitating. When you sit next to me, I can not help but feel a little pity. And yet, my heart is also filled with admiration. Even during your time of agony, you still maintain a philosophy of utilitarianism – ensuring that the greatest good is given to the greatest number. I understand that a cough can take even the most prepared by surprise – leaving an impossible amount of time to reach for a tissue, sleeve, or even a fist. Therefore, you are to be honoured for you decision to turn towards me and cough uninterrupted so that the other travellers may not be inflicted by your germs. I know for a fact that I have not been smitten by some unique, one-off, event, for you have performed that action on various occasions with, if the feeling on my skin is to be noted, varying levels of effectiveness.

It is not just the way you deal with your health that I appreciate – your level of communication is also to be applauded. It is very true that the background noise on a bus can be very distracting when you are trying to talk to somebody. Particularly so when that somebody is on the phone. You have clearly observed that the decibels of a bus can not be turned down – therefore, I laud your decision to raise the volume of your voice to a level that even the most easily distracted would find difficult to ignore. I am certain that there isn’t anyone you have called who hasn’t left the conversation being fully aware of what mode of transport you are taking, what the weather is like, and what you are possibly considering to have for dinner.

Finally, I feel it is necessary to point out what good you are doing for the world. Consumers today are being forced into a market of artificial and chemically manufactured ingredients. This is most notable in the areas of fragrance and personal hygiene. Therefore, your decision to use only nature’s ingredients is a bold step, and yet one that I am certain everyone around you has noticed. Washing your clothes and yourself can put so many pollutants into the environment – so your move to eliminate those processes is one that can not be ignored.

I’m sure we will be spending a lot of quality time together over the next few months. I have no doubts that one day we will interact on a very personable level.

Yours faithfully,

Ben Gallagher

Thank you for applying for the role of Blog Reader. Sadly, on this occasion, your application has not been successful. It has, in fact, failed. Miserably failed. All that time you spend typing in the address and making sure you were suitable for applying to read the articles on this website has been completely and utterly wasted.

The standard of applicants for this position was very high – we saw some freshly cut hair, well-fitting suits, and some people had even polished their shoes. Although we admired your appearance, we did not think that it was suitable for a role such as this.

We do hope you will see your experience here, and your inevitable bitter failure, as a positive experience – and we wish you luck finding a more rewarding blog to read.

Please note: As you did chose to read this article, we now know various personal details about you. The winning candidate will be regularly contacting you to point out, during this incident, that they were better than you.

Yours faithfully,

The Management.